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Here are a few tips to help you “use it” so you don’t “lose it.”Think differently about sex. Sex is more than just penetration. All kinds of touch are stimulating and pleasurable. Take the time to explore each other’s bodies and find out what turns you on. Touch is a great alternative or addition to intercourse. It can simply mean holding each other. It can also mean sensual massage, masturbation or oral sex.

And there is nothing wrong with sex for sex’s sake. If you are in a long-term or monogamous relationship, keeping sexually active doesn’t always have to mean that you are both in the mood. Sometimes it can just mean taking a bit of time to give your partner pleasure because that is what you want to do for them. Masturbation (self or mutual) is also a way to keep sexually active.

Use it! It’s hard to get back into any activity if you haven’t done it for a while, so maintaining an active sex life can be the solution! You don’t always have to wait for both partners to have both the time and the inclination. Sex should always be a mutual agreement, but sometimes you might want to stimulate yourself or engage in short sexual intercourse sessions with your partner, just to keep active and interested. Find different ways to satisfy each other (or yourself) and to keep sexually active.

• Perform oral sex on each other more often. Both men and women enjoy being on the receiving end of oral sex. Not everyone likes to give it. If you’re uncomfortable giving oral sex, figure out what’s bothering you. Do you think it’s wrong or dirty? Are you unsure of what to do? Do you dislike the taste? Talk with your partner and see if you can discover a solution to make it more fun for you.
• Mutual masturbation or short sexual activity will give you both a brief encounter with a great release. Not all sexual activity has to be long and leisurely. If you’re pressed for time or have conflicting schedules, something quick helps keep you connected.
• Use a lubricant and use it generously. Make it a part of your sensual overture. It will help increase the woman’s natural lubrication, reduce irritation or make a penis slippery for manual stimulation.

Communicate. Communication through talking and touching brings you and your partner closer together. Opening up the lines of communication, when both partners are willing to try something a bit different, can be arousing in itself. Try it and see what happens.

• Discuss the changes you are going through and how you can accommodate each other during sex.
• Try different positions, a little bit of lubrication, massage, cuddling. Ask your partner about his or her needs. Instead of saying what you don’t like or criticising, try being positive and offering an alternative. “Instead of…” is a great starter. “Instead of starting lying down on the bed, let’s try starting by standing up in the hallway.”
• Share your fantasies and try making each other’s fantasies come true. Explore erotica – stories or movies can be fun to share – and see if you can find something that turns you both on.

Change your routine. Sometimes it’s just a matter of making a few small changes in your routine. Change the time of day when you have sex to the time when you have the most energy.

• Try the morning instead of at the end of a long day.
• Try a new position. Even changing your usual side of the bed adds a bit of variety.
• If you always do it in the bedroom, try another room in the house if your family situation allows you a bit more privacy at certain times.
• If you always do it on the weekends, try a few mid-week breaks. 
• Give yourself the time you need to get aroused and enjoy the journey. 

Create romance. While it may take a little longer to get aroused, take that time to explore each other’s bodies and put a little bit of romance back into your lives together.

• Light a candle.
• Give each other a sensual massage.
• Dress up (or down!).
• Take a shower or a bath together.
• Buy something sexy for your partner or yourself and stimulate your partner visually.
• Say “I love you.” Making sure your partner knows that you love them adds romance and creates a stronger bond of trust that will help you deal with aging together. It will help open the doors so frank discussions about sex are possible.  

Have reasonable expectations. If you didn’t have lots of sex early in your relationship or through your middle years, it is likely that you are not going to start to have lots of sex as an older adult or couple. Partners who enjoyed frequent sex when they were younger are more likely to continue that pattern as they age. Something to think about as you enter middle age!

Take care of yourself. A healthy diet, regular exercise and relaxing activities keep your body and mind in good shape. Regular exercise can increase sexual frequency and improve performance. Taking care of your body and your mind will help keep you primed for sex, at any age!

According to the Durex Global Sex Survey, 43% of Americans have used a vibrator. Dildos, vibrators, anal beads, cock rings, and the rest of the happy sex toy family can be thrilling and fulfilling, either alone or with a partner, but many store-bought sex toys contain, among other things, chemicals called phthalates, a substance used to soften hard plastics like PVC and provide that jelly feeling. There is quite a bit of concern about the toxicity and health risks of phthalates (in 2004, the EU banned a range of phthalates from children’s toys), especially in sex toys that are used in warm, moist places. One suspicious warning sign is the disclaimer you’ll find on most sex toy packages stating that the device within is for “novelty purposes only.” TreeHugger suggests playing it safe. Look for toys made from glass, metal, silicone, hard plastics, or elastomers. Putting a condom over a suspicious dildo is also a good move. If your sex toy of choice is a power tool, buy a rechargeable one or use your own rechargeable batteries. Rechargeable vibrating toys include the Aphrodite Wand, the Acuvibe, the Lily and Iris from Lelo, and toys from Fun Factory. Check out TreeHugger TV’s How to Buy a Green Sex Toy for more.

2. Lube

Whether you feel you need lube or not, a little extra slipperyness can add something extra to any roll in the hay. As you would with any other personal care product, go as natural as possible and try to avoid petroleum products, artificial scents, flavors, and colors. There are even organic lubes to be found. For more info on what to look out for, see How to Green Women’s Personal Care—advice also suitable for men).

3. Condoms

For safer, baby-free sex, nothing beats a latex condom. Vegans looking for a latex option (though derived from trees, most latex has a milk enzyme added) can check out Glyde condoms. The jury is still out as to whether latex condoms are biodegradable and what effects additives and lubricants have on biodegradability. According to most sources, lambskin condoms are biodegradable but are only effective against pregnancy, not STDs. Polyurethane condoms are essentially plastic and not biodegradable. Used condoms are best sent to the landfill. Flushing condoms down the toilet is definitely no good as this clogs pipes, treatment plants, and rivers. So let’s face it, reduce, reuse, recycle just doesn’t apply when it comes to the rubbers.

4. Sexy giving

Getting a stylish and useful gift is always a turn on. Organic massage oils, fair trade chocolate, or a bottle of biodynamic red wine are hot options. For Valentine’s, you can even get an all fair trade goodie bag for your lovie. Of course, romance and good sex know no price, and a poem from the heart, a massage, some hot role playing, or a home-cooked dinner for two can be the hottest gifts of all.

5. Green and sexy fun

Sexy play can be green and efficient as well. As seen on TreeHugger TV, showering together can save water (if things get steamier, we suggest taking it to the bedroom and not leaving the shower running). In the winter time, some nice warm loving before bed can get the bedroom toasty, meaning the thermostat can be lower (see How to Green Your Heating, for more). A nice bike ride for two is a fossil-fuel-free way to get the blood flowing and can also be quite stimulating, especially for the ladies. And of course the classic candle-lit dinner is a delicious way to set the mood and save on energy bills.

6. Bamboo in bed

If you’ve never experience bamboo bed sheets, you’re missing out. Bamboo fabric is silky and slippery (but not so slippery you’ll slide out of bed), wicks moisture, has natural antimicrobial properties, comes from a rapidly renewable resource, and is super sexy.

7. Eco-undies

Slinky, slippery, sexy. These are all good things when it comes to some sassy skivvies for the bedroom. Organic cotton, hemp silk, bamboo, and other renewable fibers make ultra-sexy lingerie and underwear. When browsing around, go for quality, not novelty. Buying a bedroom outfit that will be used only a couple times isn’t a great buy. Face it, unless you’re famous, nobody on Ebay is gonna buy those crotchless panties, even if you just wore them once. We suggest shelling out the extra bucks for something classy, sexy, and sustainable that can be donned when the mood is right for years to come. For something on the exotic end, check out Enamore and g=9.8. For sensible and simple, look at Buenostyle and American Apparel. For something in between, try GreenKnickers.

8. Sweeter juice?

There are some very strong rumors going around that vegetarians have the best tasting love juices (though some items from the vegetable kingdom you may want to avoid, like asparagus and garlic). If you aren’t already a veggie-lover and there’s a romantic occasion/hot date in your future, give the veggie or vegan diet a try. Even if it does nothing for your flavor, you may score points for being a good steward of the planet. The meat industry is immensely resource intensive and accounts for 70% of the water pollution in the US. Reducing your meat consumption is one of the greenest things you can do. Plus, many triathletes and other super-people swear by a vegan diet for prolonged endurance (always a good thing). For a very funny but totally explicit investigation of the food/body fluid connection

9. Natural aphrodisiacs

Since days of yore, lovers have turned to natural herbs and special foods to find stimulation, endurance, and sexual health. While we can’t vouch for any of these, and all supplements should be taken with caution and/or professional advise, it is rumored that herbs like ginseng, kava kava root, damiana leaves, kelp, tribulus, ginko biloba, rhodiola rosea, and of course horny goat weed can help stoke the flames of passion—even more so if certified organic. A host of foods are also used to stimulate the sexual senses, and of course organic wine and Champaign are trusted aphrodisiacs as well.

Like many aspects of health, our sex drive is affected by what we put into our bodies. Certain foods affect the body in different ways. Depending on what you consume, wining and dining a date can induce more sleep than romance. A big, fancy dinner, a bottle of wine and fine chocolates may sound sweet — but such meals are actually little more than empty calories.

To really get your blood going, consider circulation-enhancing dishes. Food that’s high in Omega-3 fatty acids such as mackerel, salmon and wild salmon are best. “Omega-3 makes your nervous system function better,” says Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center. “Sex is really about circuitry.” Multivitamins and minerals will help, too. Both improve neurological function, which contributes to good circulation.

Grab some granola
Improved circulation results in greater erectile response. To accomplish that, go for food rich in L-Arginine, such as granola, oatmeal, peanuts, cashews, walnuts, dairy, green vegetables, root vegetables, garlic, ginseng, soybeans, chickpeas and seeds. Studies show that L-Arginine is helpful for improving sexual function in men. There haven’t been studies done on women — but remember, erectile response isn’t just a guy thing. “Women have erections too: in their clitoris and the tissue surrounding the vulva,” says Bartlik.

Humans have sought ways to enhance or improve their sex lives for millennia — and have never been reluctant to spend money to make themselves better lovers. The ancient Romans were said to prefer such exotic aphrodisiacs as hippo snouts and hyena eyeballs. Traditional Chinese medicine espoused the use of such rare delicacies as rhino horn. Modern lovers are no less extravagant. In 2005, for example, according to Amsterdam-based health care information company Wulters Kluwer, Americans spent just under $1.4 billion to treat male sexual dysfunction disorders alone.

Of that amount, Viagra rang up $1.2 billion in sales for Pfizer, or 60 percent of the total market. Among the other drugs trying to find their way into American’s bedside tables and back pockets are Levitra and Cialis.

There is a difference, of course, between helping sexual dysfunction and arousing our passions.

Aphrodisiacs, for the most part, have been shown to be ineffective. Named for Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sex and beauty, these include an array of herbs, foods and other “agents” that are said to awaken and heighten sexual desire. But the 5,000-year tradition of using them is based more on folklore than real science. “There is no data and no scientific evidence,” says Leonore Tiefer, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. “Product pushers are very eager to capitalize on myths,” she says.

Most libido-enhancing products offer short term benefit at best, according to Dr. John Mulhall, director of the Sexual Medicine Program at New York Presbyterian and associate professor of urology at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University. Mulhall, who also sits on the Nutraceuticals Committee of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, says, “Every year, we review the literature on these compounds — these nutraceuticals like nitric oxide and ginseng — and there are none that have really been shown to be more than a placebo.”

When it comes to sexual function, the placebo effect probably accounts for 30 percent of improvements in men and around 50 percent in women, he says. That means there are a lot of people out there who believe a pill they are taking or a food they are eating is doing a lot of good for them sexually. In reality, their mind is doing all the work.

So, besides renting “The Story of O” and opening a bottle of red wine, what can people do to kick-start their sex life?

For a good time, try soy
One thing they can do is change their diet. Soy, for example, binds estrogen receptors, which helps the vaginal area remain lubricated and combats symptoms of menopause — particularly hot flashes. Studies have shown that soy is also beneficial to the prostate, a crucial male sex organ. However, it’s important to note that women who have a history of breast cancer should not eat large amounts of soy, because the binding of estrogen receptors actually increases the risk of reoccurrence.

Foods that promote weight loss also hold libido-boosting potential. “There has been very solid research showing that obesity is a risk factor for erectile dysfunction and low testosterone,” says Dr. Ridwan Shabsigh, director of the New York Center for Human Sexuality and associate professor of urology at Columbia University’s medical school. “Reducing weight,” he says, “results in an increase of testosterone, and thus an increase in sexual function.”

‘Good for your heart, good for your penis’
“From an erection standpoint, anything that’s good for your heart is good for your penis,” says Dr. Mulhall. Too much saturated fat can, over time, clog arteries and, in doing so, prevent an adequate flow of blood from reaching the genital region. This not only interferes with the ability to perform, but also with sexual pleasure. Too little fat, on the other hand, is also bad.

Evidence points to the many health benefits of an active sex life. Sex Made Easy, an article published in Men’s Health Magazine, gives 10 healthy reasons to hop into bed — a reminder that making love is good for both body and soul.

1. Exercise. “Sexual activity is a form of physical exercise,” according to Dr. Michael Cirigliano of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. Making love three times a week burns around 7,500 calories in a year — the equivalent of jogging 75 miles.
2. Heavy Breathing. A night of love can raise the amount of oxygen in cells, helping to keep organs and tissues functioning at their peak.
3. Strong Bones and Muscles. “Any kind of physical exercise is going to increase testosterone,” states Dr. Karen Donahey, director of the Sex and Marital Therapy Program at Chicago’s Northwestern University Medical Center. Testosterone is believed to help keep men’s bones and muscles strong.
4. Lowered Cholesterol. Making love regularly can lower levels of the body’s total cholesterol slightly, while positively changing the ratio of good-to-bad cholesterol.
5. Pain Relief. Sex can lower levels of “arthritic pain, whiplash pain and headache pain,” according to Dr. Beverly Whipple, president-elect of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Hormones that are released during sexual excitement and orgasm can elevate pain thresholds.
6. DHEA — Without Supplements. DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), a popular supplemental hormone, is released naturally during lovemaking. “Just before orgasm and ejaculation,” Crenshaw says, “DHEA spikes to levels three to five times higher than usual.”
7. Prostate Protection. Researchers say prostate trouble may arise or be worsened by fluid buildup within the gland. Regular ejaculation will help wash out those fluids. Be cautious when suddenly changing frequency — sudden changes may also trigger prostate problems.
8. Stress Relief. “Sex can be a very effective way of reducing stress levels,” Donahey told Men’s Health.
9. Love Will Keep Us Together. Crenshaw says affectionate touch will increase levels of oxytocin — the “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin is a desire-enhancing chemical secreted by the pituitary. Regular oxytocin release may help encourage frequent lovemaking.
10. Hormones — Naturally. “Regular lovemaking can increase a woman’s estrogen level, protect her heart and keep her vaginal tissues more supple,” states Donahey.

SOURCE: Men’s Health (November 1997, p. 104-108)

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